An Ode to Greed: A Black Friday Poem

The following poem was inspired by a classic holiday tale and my ownexperiences working during Black Friday 2014.

 

‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, and all through the mall

Every store was open by the 6pm call

The stocking stuffers were placed by the entrance with care

In hopes that shoppers would see the deals there

Kind families protested by staying away

From stores who were greedy and opened that day

But with loathe in their eyes and smiles on their faces

Employees left home just in time for the races

At 6 o’clock sharp there arose such a clatter

As guests stormed the doors for their deals on a platter

All through the mall they flew like a flash

Holding onto their purses, all filled up with cash

Their hunger for deals was not starved by the snow

For they braved all the slush just to spend lots of dough

When what to my wondering eyes did appear

At midnight a woman was stabbed with a spear

With a stealthy stab that was lively and quick

Then the victim got up and fought back with a brick

As the fight continued, I, the manager, came

For my staff I shouted, and called them by name

“Now, Kenny! now, Sarah! now Mandi and Rick!

On, Steph! on, Lynn! on, Theresa and Derek!

The moms have gone wild in the children’s section

Fighting over the junk in our Frozen collection!”

As my bookstore crew tried to break up the fight

A potential problem came into my sight

So up on the shelf top there was one copy left

Of a book that is often a victim of theft

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

Is the envy of all of the girls of thirteen

They’ll hide it in pouches of hoodies and bags

And steal it despite the security tags

Yet dressed to the nines from her head to her foot

Was a middle aged woman who tried to put

John Green’s best seller into her coat

“Ho Ho HELL No,” I said with a shining gloat

My eyes—how they twinkled! My dimples, how merry!

The pleasure I get from crime fighting is scary

Out of all of the days to attempt a crime

Don’t do it with security at its prime

Why not just be rude like our other guests

Or send us on an obscure book finding quest

Most Black Friday shoppers at our bookstore

Claim they’ve never been inside one before

And even if the discount card is almost free

They decline the savings on their $300 spree.

With a wink in their eye they try to claim

They don’t care about savings, although they came

To the mall on Black Friday but I’m no fool

The fact is that most of the shoppers are cruel

They forget that it wasn’t my choice to work

And I would lose my job if I act like a jerk

So I smiled until 10am finally arrived

and I looked like the Hunger Games I had survived

But despite my exhaustion, I drove out of sight—

“Happy savings to all on this horrible night!”